Okay Guys, I’ll Stop Throwing Interceptions: By Rex Grossman
Published by Daylon Morrison on May 27, 2009
Article Source: Bleacher Report - Chicago Bears
Okay guys, I get it, joke’s over. I’ll stop throwing interceptions.
You made your point with this whole “cut me from the team, nobody else in the NFL will sign me,” thing. I think I understand that there are some things I need to work on.
Its come to my attention that I haven’t quite grasped certain fundamental concepts when it comes to playing quarterback.
For example, I was under the impression that “checking-down” meant locking onto the receiver running the deepest route, throwing it as far and hard as I can into double and sometimes triple coverage, and grimacing when it turns out to be an interception. Turns out that’s not what a “check-down” is. Seriously, its not. I was surprised, too.
I also thought that the “snap” between the center and quarterback wasnt supposed to be practiced, and we were just supposed to wing it. I was wrong, and it resulted in a LOT of fumbles.
Then, I didn’t realize I was actually in competition with that weak-armed, tree-hugging, neck-bearded ass-clown Kyle Orton.
I didn’t take the competition seriously, and I lost my job. I don’t take full blame for that, though.
See, Lovie Smith doesn’t actually speak when he talks, he lightly whispers and even when you can hear him its hard to know if hes kidding or not because he never seems to emphasize the right words, is incapable of anger, and is frequently constipated, which is pretty obvious when you watch him on the side-lines.
I’ll get one of those sonic-ears so I can hear him, and that wont be a problem again.
Then, instead of preparing in case Kyle got hurt, I just drank on the sidelines and spent my free time masturbating to videos of me completing 60-yard touchdowns.
So when they were like, “Rex, Kyle’s hurt, you’re in the game,” I was WAY too hammered to play, and had just sharted, which made it extremely uncomfortable to drop back or even hand the ball off. That was bad, and I’ll actually practice and watch real film from now on.
So, as you can see, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve matured and I’m ready to play quarterback again. See you guys on the field!
Your Pal,
Rex
P.S. I still don’t know how to play against anything but the cover-2…so, keep that in mind.
