Chicago Bears: This Is Really Going to Be Terrible (by Mike Martz)
Published by Daylon Morrison on June 17, 2010
Article Source: Bleacher Report - Chicago Bears
Hey Bear Fans,
Mike Martz here, aka desperation hire of the decade. Remember how Lovie Smith and Jerry Angelo waited until they had completely exhausted all other viable candidates before calling me, and then half-heartedly handed me the Offensive Coordinator job?
Well I’m not really sure why I wasn’t their first choice. I mean, my offense requires an extremely smart, cool-headed quarterback, veteran wide receivers that can run incredibly precise routes, and an impossibly talented and experienced offensive line. It also, as I’ve noted in the past, takes at least two years to learn, let alone master and run effectively.
Which is why this is really going to be terrible.
If you thought that the Rex Grossman years were bad, wait until I ask one of the worst lines in the NFL to pass block for what will seem like hours per play, while some of the youngest and inexperienced wide receivers in the NFL stumble and bumble their way down the field, trying as hard as they can to remember one of the 1,000 plays I asked them to memorize in a single off season. Watch as Jay Cutler picks his organs up from the football field and stumbles to the sideline, after being sacked for the ninth time that day against any given D-line in the NFL.
Then watch as fear-striken, undrafted, free agent quarterback Caleb Haine reluctantly takes the field to REALLY screw things up.
You are going to want to throw up at what you’re about to endure for 16 games.
On the plus side, its going to be funny. I mean, I’m actually going to tell Jay Cutler, JAY FREAKING CUTLER, not to worry about mistakes and to just try to make plays. Do you have any idea how many interceptions that’s going to lead to? Over/under 32, and I’m taking the over.
I’m going to ask Devin Hester, who was barely able to learn half of Ron Turner’s baby offense, to take the spot at No.1 wide out that was previously manned by future hall-of-famers Issac Bruce and then Torry Holt.
And then, I’m going to ask this dumpster fire of an O-Line to pass block 40 times a game.
Make sure you get really, really drunk before every game in the 2010-2011 season, Bear fans, because what you’re about to see is really going to be something.
By “something,” I mean “we’ll all be fired by week 10.”
Kiss my ass,
Mike Martz
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