Come To Think of It: Bears Linebacker Lance Briggs Cuts Hand in Butcher Shop
Published by Bob Warja on April 28, 2009
Article Source: Bleacher Report - Chicago Bears
Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs says he cut his hand while shaving with a straight razor. But the Bob Warja Network has learned that the Pro-Bowler actually hurt himself while performing his offseason job as a butcher’s assistant at the local deli.
The story broke last week, when the Chicago Sun-Times published a photo of a heavily bandaged Briggs at an autograph signing.
Briggs can deny the meat-cutting incident all he wants, but sources close to him say that cutting meat has always been his true love.
“He plays football for the money, but Lance has dreamed of being a butcher ever since he was a little kid,” said a close friend who asked to remain anonymous. “Lance likes sacking the quarterback, but give him a good chuck roast and he’s in heaven.”
As expected, Briggs denied the report saying, “That’s a bunch of bologna, er, baloney.”
But his love for meat has been obvious ever since he became the first person to ever bring a fork and knife to a celebrity roast.
The Bears defensive standout admitted he had helped out at the deli before, but denied that he works there.
“An old buddy of mine owns the place,” he said, “so I thought I would give him a hand.”
Well, he almost took that a bit too literally.
When asked point blank about his purported love for cutting meat, Briggs appeared nervous.
“Sure, it’s fun. I mean, who doesn’t like using a boning knife?” Briggs said. “Smoking a rump roast, curing a pork shank, skewering a nice beef brisket…ahem, it means nothing to me.”
Bizarre injuries are nothing new to Chicago sports stars. In December, Bulls rookie Derrick Rose said he sliced his arm open on an apple knife rolling over in bed. That wound required 10 stitches to close. Michael Jordan nearly sliced off a finger on his shooting hand in a mishap with a cigar cutter while vacationing in the Bahamas.
Count Jerry Angelo among those who are trying to get to the bottom of the story.
“If he’s working in a butcher shop, that could be a violation of his contract,” said the Bears GM. “More disturbingly, he never even sent over one ribeye to my house. Not one.”
In any event, Briggs assured everyone he was fine.
“Nothing to worry about,” he said. “I’m in my prime…Mmmm, prime.”
